December saw the return of I’m A Celebrity, and while I didn’t watch it, I was very aware of the contestants appearing, which included Caitlyn Jenner.
During her appearance, there were many articles published, television discussions showed and social media comments posted which used her previous name. Although, this has been happening since Caitlyn transitioned. Like it does for many transgendered people.
Deadnaming, as it’s called, can be a genuine mistake, especially at the beginning of someone’s transition. However, continuing to use their old name is purposeful, even if it’s “just a joke” and is extremely hurtful. Plus it makes you a dick!
This got me thinking, why is it a struggle for some when trans change their name? However, when everyone else does it, then it’s okay.
People change their name all the time, such as when they get married. You may not agree with who they’ve married, but you’ll still call them by their married name.
Some people even change their first name, for many reasons. I changed mine because I didn’t like it after I was bullied for it throughout childhood. In fact, I changed my whole name in 2001. I could tell you why, but I have done that before.
My experience, when I changed my name was generally okay. I had a few people ‘deadname’ me to begin with, but that was generally in error. There was only one person who refused and continued to call me by my old name, so we drifted apart. Although, I have seen them since and they call me by my chosen name now.
Fact is, it generally was not and never has been an issue. So why is it with trans? Why do people struggle?
To put it simply, people struggle to accept the name change because they don’t want to accept someone’s transition. So by deadnaming them, they feel they aren’t. Thing is it doesn’t make you smart or clever. It just makes you look like an absolute douché!
December is the month of parties, and boy didn’t I have them this month?
We had wedding parties; birthday parties (my own) and Xmas parties. And then let’s not forget that there is New Year’s Eve.
Come to the end of the month, it is fair to say, I was all partied out and had an alcohol content that Absinthe would be jealous of!
I’ve not shied away from talking about my body confidence issues:
This year I was made to feel insecure about my body again, and I let the judgemental comments get to me.
As someone who posts a lot of selfies (I know narcissistic, much?), I am very selective of what to show. For example, the majority are chest up, and if I’m having a good day I may show my stomach (the part that I’m mainly conscious of). I look back at times and I have the urge to delete as that day I may not be ‘feeling it’, but I refuse to. As I want to look back I can remember and see how things/perceptions have changed.
So I wanted to take myself outside of my comfort zone to try and tackle this. So I did a photo shoot.
To be honest, I was really surprised at how well they came out (photographer and good lighting work wonders), but also at how relaxed I was.
Although, as much as I like the photos I still can’t stop critiquing and finding fault, even over stupid small things.
The fact is, I am the most confident that I have felt in my body, and I’m trying to embrace this more. And as I said in my Facebook post, the negative comments aren’t necessary about you, but them and their own insecurities.