The power of words

Words are such a fascinating thing, don’t you think?

You’ve heard the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never harm me”?

What a crock of shit!

Words may not break your bones, but they can break you. The mental damage can last for years, or even a lifetime.

Words are powerful, their use and deliverance can cause upset, fear or anger!

Semantics

Our choice of words provides strength to our narrative. Semantics is everything, as we know that their deliverance will provide the required emotion.

When there is a terror attack, why are POC labelled terrorists, while the white attackers are either a loner or just mentally unstable?

Why are white people called ex-pats, and never immigrants?

Why are women called slags, but men are studs?

The words we use to label someone can carry the power that is required to provide the negative/positive connotation.

When JK Rowling wrote that anti-trans blog back in 2020 to defend her stance, she discussed her domestic abuse. This had nothing to do with it! She’s an author. She knew exactly what power there is by discussing both at the same time, making them look comparable to each other.

Weight

I’ve openly spoken about my weight issues in the past, but I just wanted to re-highlight it here again.

It’s important to remember that it was words that caused the way I am with my body.

I hate my stomach. I always will. When I look in the mirror, I always look at ways that I can make it smaller! I’ve looked at liposuction to assist me to get back to how I was before lockdown.

It’s slowly getting back to how it was, and I sometimes feel brave enough to take my top off. But it isn’t perfect.

While hearing “Oh you’ve let yourself go” is rude and offensive, you can brush it off with them just being a dick! But when you continuously hear these negative comments from other people, you can’t help but take it on board!

Bullied

When I was younger, I was bullied. Mainly for being Scottish. Who would’ve known that would have been the reason?

On my first day at an English school, I spent a lot of the day repeating what I was saying as people wanted to hear my accent.

I do remember one kid, near the end of the day, saying that I wasn’t welcome here and that I should go back home [to Scotland]. I was told this on my first day at a new school!

Why would a ten-year-old think that?

The thing is, this was my narrative throughout my education. I was constantly being told to “Fuck off home!” or that I was a “Scottish bastard!”.

While it was mainly verbal abuse, there were a few times that it was physical!

When I was about 13/14, I had to deal with a group of 8-10 kids on the housing estate, who were a couple of years younger than me, always following me around, encroaching on my personal space, and calling me names.

Whenever I left the house, they were there within minutes, following me, and calling me names. “Four eyes, freckled face French bastard!” I have no idea why they called me French, maybe they were too stupid to tell the difference between a Scottish and French accent!

This harassment went on for months. I tried to ignore it. Only left the house when I had to. Devaluing what they were saying by stating the facts. “Yes, I wear glasses, so what? I also have freckles…”. They didn’t need to know that I hated my freckles! “…and technically I am a bastard as I was conceived out of wedlock. But I’m Scottish, not French!”

I was owning their shit. I was trying to take the power away from their words. But still, it didn’t work!

So one day, I snapped I turned round to the ring leader who wore a hearing aid and shouted “Yes, I have glasses, freckles and I’m a bastard, but at least I can hear! At least I am not a deaf bastard like you!”

The next thing I know, punches were thrown! I had the group leader pinned down on the floor. I punched him across the face. Every time one of his buddies hit me, I hit the gang leader! The hits to me started to drop off.

My neighbour, Mrs Brown, saw what was happening and came out of her house shouting at the gang. She did the “I know your mother, and I will be telling her about this!” rant.

I never got harassed by that gang again!

Post education

The xenophobia that I experienced generally ended after I left education. It was like adults didn’t really give a shit!

However, it would always raise its ugly head when it come to specific events throughout the years!

Whenever England played Scotland in some sort of match, I was told to feck off home! Sometimes, I received a punch too!

Scotland’s Indyref was just a toxic pool of xenophobia, that I spent years having to listen to. It was the same way they handled Europeans when it came to Brexit!

I even had a ‘friend’ (well ex-work colleague) who confidently wrote on Facebook, that all Scots should be deported if Indyref happened! When you hear someone you know say something like that, it hurts slightly differently to some cretin you don’t!

Hearing one person telling you to “fuck off home” doesn’t really matter, but when it is a narrative that you’ve heard for several decades you start to believe that this is the country’s narrative and you’re not welcome!

Homophobia

I came out later in life, and somehow I escaped homophobia in school, even though looking back it was obvious that I was gay!

But I didn’t escape it, even if I had no idea what gay was. I grew up in the world of Section 28 and those horrific AIDS adverts!

From a very young age, I knew I was different, but I also knew that this was wrong!

When I was 6 or 7, I remember being in the car with my mum and brother. I saw a man walk past. Looking at him, I admired his chiselled jaw and the long curly hair, that was similar to Kevin Keegan in the 80s.

I said “He’s nice” as he passed. My mum said “Boys don’t say that about other boys!” and my brother punched me!

I learnt a lesson that day, that what I was thinking was ‘wrong’. So I never spoke out about it.

While nothing was directed to me (that I can remember), and not really understand what being gay was/is, I knew from what I was being told it was wrong.

When I was 8 there was an incident, which will be another story to tell at another time when I feel comfortable, where I was interrogated by 3 police officers for over 3 hours! About my sexuality! At fucking 8!!!

So yeah, those words haunt me. And the way I was treated definitely left a mark on how I saw myself growing up!

Teenager angst?

As a teenager, I tried to hide how I was. I had girlfriends. I even got engaged. As that is what society was telling me I had to do.

My release was words. To myself. I used to keep diaries. Not so much the ‘Dear diary’ type. They were planner diaries, which I would write in it every so often. Sometimes it would be what happened. Other times it would just be a few words.

I don’t have the diaries anymore and can’t remember the majority of the entries. But I do remember some of the things I used to write.

“I am useless!”

“I’m not worthy”

“No one likes me”

“I won’t be missed”

“I don’t want to live anymore!”

“Kill yourself!”

“Die! Die! Die!”

The bullying was the main reason, but deep down I knew my sexuality was to do with it too. Whenever I thought about boys in that way, I would feel dirty and disgusted with myself.

Because society continued to tell me that it was wrong. When EastEnders showed the first gay kiss, there was a lot of hate coming out. These types of articles, make you feel ashamed of yourself.

Coming out

The power of words isn’t always bad. They can be life-changing in a positive way.

As I got older, I started to get to grips with what I was feeling about myself. And when I finally said to myself that “I’m gay”, there was a sense of relief. And as I started to share this with others, the pressure that I felt, disappeared!

To those who it affects, it means a lot; but then you get the straights devaluing it by questioning why people have to come out!

That is what you call oppression! When you live in a hetero-normative world, run by white CIS men, breaking the shackles releases society’s pressures!

Don’t get me wrong, coming out wasn’t plain sailing and had its own issues, but saying those words to myself that “I’m gay” took so much weight off my shoulders. I felt complete!

Society vs Homophobia

As years have gone by, it is fair to say that equality has improved for LGBT+ people.

However, although the laws have improved, and the homophobia may not be as bad as it was; as a gay man, I can confirm that it has never gone away. In fact, recently it’s starting to get worse as the years go on.

Getting called faggot as you walk down the street; still happens.

Told that I’m sick. Or I’ll go to hell because of my sexuality (Where’s the party at?)!

Being called a pedo, nonce or groomer!

We still have people saying that LGBT+ people should be executed!

These words can cause damage, especially to those who aren’t strong enough. Where self-harm and suicide are higher within the LGBT+ community, society has to hold its hands up and accept responsibility for this.

The person has the power

The media is the puppet master of society. Their words create a narrative because it sells. The media is responsible for the majority of hate and misinformation. Social media is also another cesspit for that too.

As an example, let’s look at LGBT+ education in schools. There were many people who used their religion to hide behind their homophobia to protest, harass and threaten schools and teachers.

This hate brigade was giving out their narrative, which the media aired with limited facts given. And the rest of society started to believe this.

When someone I love dearly made a flippant remark that they didn’t agree with LGBT+ education, it was as if they took a knife, stabbed it into my chest and twisted it!

They believed that the kids were too young to be taught about LGBT+ existence. This made me feel that because of my sexuality I should not be around children, such as my great-nephew, as they should not see a relationship between two men.

It felt like the good old narrative that I should become the ‘dirty family secret’ until they are old enough to know.

These words played on me for the rest of the day, and I lost sleep because of it! It hurt more than I can express.

I tried to explain the next day how that hurt, and they explain their reasoning, which was exactly the same as what was coming from the media. And if I am honest, I still don’t feel their opinion has really changed, but I was able to communicate the majority of what I wanted.

So to reiterate, the education we give to children is age-appropriate, so why would that be any different in relation to LGBT+ education?

It’s not about the Rainbow Army coming in and talking about the gay birds and bees.

It’s not about trying to indoctrinate children into the Alphabet Mafia. We leave the indoctrinating stuff to the religious groups!

It’s just about trying to show we exist!

So instead of stories always having a mum and dad, some stories may include two mums or dads.

Instead of a math question calculating how much a meal was between a man and woman, it could be two guys instead!

When it’s appropriate, which would be the same time that normal sex education is taught in school, why can’t LGBT+ be discussed more maturely here too? Because there will be students that it can help and support.

And hetties, if all you can think about is gays and their sex lives, then it is you that are the perverts, not us!

Look at the recent Disney Lightyear film, where there is outroar that there is a lesbian relationship (and even a kiss). The narrative is kids shouldn’t see this! But it would be okay if it was a straight couple? That’s not about protecting the kids, that is about your homophobia!

Deliverance is key

Words are words, and they mean nothing without the way they’re delivered and who delivers them to who.

Because of the deliverance of some words, historically their usage can just simply offend.

The word ‘gay’ isn’t offensive, but how it’s used can be.

There is a difference between someone calling me gay, to calling someone who is straight, gay!

There is a difference between a friend saying “You can be such a gay sometimes!”, compared to a stranger shouting “dirty gay”!

Our surroundings are also something else that we should be aware of. You may have a great rapport with a friend and can get away with using language that could be perceived as derogative to others.

But that doesn’t give you a free pass to use that language around others. Whether in person or on social media.

This reminds me of an episode of Big Brother when a housemate used the n-word flippantly in a conversation as if she was talking to her black friends at home. Rightly so, she was evicted.

Friends relationships, where a pass has been given to communicate in a specific way, is their business. I may not agree with it at times, just as people may not agree with conversations that I have with my friends. But those conversations should remain private, and not around others or on social media where shit can hit the fan!

Words are powerful!

Words can hurt!

Choose your words wisely.

Don’t be a ‘lady garden’!